[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]What happens to you when someone gestures to you in an accusatory manner? Do your emotions turn on? Do you fume with anger, feel victimised and become unhappy? or do you escape being targeted with fear? Here is an experience I had yesterday and I am sharing how I learnt not to bother about others perception about me.
I usually take the narrower streets of Vyalikaval and Coconut Avenue road to read home from office. Yesterday, I had taken the same route, driving back home. I was closer to the 1st coconut avenue road near the Kadu Malleswara Temple (Shiva temple in what was a forest once). I had a Toyota Fortuner come towards me from the opposite direction. There was hardly any space for two vehicles to pass each other unless one of us would to our extreme left sides.
She began abusing me
So, I decided to turn to the extreme left. There was a lady who was ahead of me, walking towards me. The distance between the two of us was a clear 30 feet. Looking at my vehicle approaching me, she gestured towards me in a accusatory manner and was mumbling so loudly that I could hear her voice. However, with my focus on the approaching vehicle and the safety of others, I did not pay much attention to what she was saying. Little did it bother me.
Within a few seconds, the Toyota Fortuner passed me and I continued my drive towards home.
I learnt something very important yesterday. I learnt not to bother and I wish to share this learning with you.
How I learnt not to bother about others perception about me
You know, people, in our lives, will have different perceptions. Each of their perceptions suits them for that moment. It has nothing to do with who I am or what I am doing at that moment in time. They have their reasons why they are expressing their perception. It probably serves them. And there is no reasoning to it.
What is more important in this experience was that, I had nothing to do with it and no amount of thinking about why she did what she did is going to give me an answer.
Can I put to a real test to see whether I learnt not to bother!
Now, if I replace this woman with someone in my immediate family or extended family, can I behave the same way I behaved with this lady? The answer is no. Why is it so difficult to be the same with whom we are close?
Familiarity gives us the opportunity to behave in ways which are unbecoming of us. We expect more from people with whom we are familiar.
If I behave the same way I behaved with that woman, ignoring what she was mumbling, I will have no problems in my life. Familiarity gives me the opportunity to go one step further, and that is enquire with the other person.
What must I enquire?
When you enquire with a family member about their wellbeing, do it in a impersonal way. That brings two things to the relationship; A feeling of warmth because you did not probe too deep into their problems and secondly, that you care.
While enquiring, people have a habit of probing deep and want to listen to your story. Why? It’s your story and it can remain that way. If you really want to help someone, knowing their story will not make it any better for you. There is a way to offer help.
How to offer help?
When you ask for help, be genuine. You can just ask; can I help you in some way? Or Do you need help? If the person says no; just leave them. Don’t dig in and force your way through. Sometimes, the best help they need is to be left alone.
Your perception of others needing your help may be right for you. They probably aren’t ready to receive your help, or may be your help is not help after all.
Compassion, after all, means to be there for them without interfering with their lives. You must learn not to bother.
— Mahesh Krishnamurthy[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]