The way we were raised by our parents was with a mixture of emotions, which included, besides love and care, threats and thrashes. To many of us, there was a showdown of fear and anger from our parents. As kids, we did not give an ear to our parents and we were indisciplined to the core. Now it\’s our turn. We\’re pretty much doing the same thing our parents did with us, to our kids. So, now the question is – do our children really love us?
Parents these days primarily operate in the extremes. There are those who smother their children with goodies to the extent that these children are spoilt, while the others are extremely rigid with their children. These parents also use fear and anger as mediums to control their children. There are very few parents who genuinely love their children and at the same time let them know what they are allowed to do and what is not. Children often react to their parents with fear rather than with love. They are attached no doubt, which is what makes them spend time with their parents. However, the children themselves transform as adults.
I remember an experience that I witnessed which can bring more clarity to what I am trying to communicate to you.
How your behaviour shapes you
A man came to me for consultation. He was from Haryana. This man had a rather bizarre case. He told me that every two years, he sells his high budget car and buys another one of the same company and the same or a better model. He is unable to control his urge and wanted to know why he did this. After performing his Nadi Pariksha, I asked him whether he loved cars and whether his father refused to buy toy cars when he was young. He said yes. Bingo! That was the answer. Because his father did not buy the toy car when my client was a child, he went on a car buying and selling spree.
There is a funny side to this story. He, not only bought cars every two years, he also purchased lots of toy cars for his son to play with. However, his son is least interested in toys.
Do we secretly want our children to love us?
More often than not, parents who come for consultation with their children, allow their children to have a free run with their mobiles. Their mobile devices are loaded with games to keep their children engaged.
Pampering and spoiling your children won\’t get them to love you more. You must demonstrate your love for them and that is how they learn.
How children behaviour harm their health
When children behave, they are shaping their attitude and their persona forms as a result. Health is a persona or something that others perceive when they look at you. When your attitude changes, your persona too gets influenced or impacted.
For example; when a child gets angry, his or her persona changes from being calm to being irritable. Their persona shows off irritability and their attitude becomes rude. Repetitive behaviour makes such children believe that they are normal. As age progresses their behaviour makes them psychologically depressed, angry, and emotionally volatile. They turn out to be dull children who take drastic decisions.
Physically, children are likely to develop gall bladder stones, hyperacidity, acidic indigestion, migraines and such other pitta related symptoms early in their life.
Help children be love
Children are naturally loving. That is their true nature. However, as they grow, they learn behaviour which, most of the time, takes them away from being love. The way they learn is by observing the older people around them which include parents, grandparents and other older relatives. Therefore, it is important to instil examples that are appropriate for them to be nourished and nurtured with.
Some of the examples you can set to your children are as below;
- Help your children improve their self confidence
- Assist your children in developing their self worth
- Help your children be love
Children love you only because you love them. They won\’t know how to express their love if you did not do so. Mentoring your children is not the same as spoiling your children or regimenting them. I\’d like to end by saying, be the example you want your children to follow.
— Mahesh Krishnamurthy
Very well written!