Be casual – never be careless
Every personal relationship demands two commitments from the partners. That the partners must be casual and committed. Being casual means to be easy going and not being serious. Being careless means to stop investing in your relationship. You let your relationship off guard, off the hook. Let us learn how to be casual and never be careless.
Very often, partners become serious and dampen their relationships with compromises and arguments. What is more dangerous is when you become careless.
In the beginning of any relationship, there is attachment, communication and reciprocation. However, as time passes, an attitude of carelessness sets in. Your self worth and self respect do not matter any longer. You can behave as you like. You can quarrel, fight and create an ugly scene, whenever your mood demands so.
Why be casual?
When you are casual in a relationship, you are never worked up. You find solutions to challenges. You are always in the mood. Those who were courting couples before marriage would know what I am talking.
A man’s goal ends with marriage whereas a woman’s life begins with marriage. Men need to understand that life begins with marriage. It’s not that your mother stopped taking care of you and your wife will do it from now and onwards. This careless attitude is what works up a woman’s nerves.
When you get married, be enthusiastic. You now have someone to share your joys with. But, remember, if your partner believes he or she is your remote control, practice staying out of control. Life offers many ways of overcoming challenges. The best way is to switch off, or mute your hearing when it sounds harsh. But, don’t stop at that. Find out what caused your partner to become harsh and act on them.
The cost of being careless
When you are careless in a relationship, it usually comes at a huge cost. Carelessness costs your relationship. The ship rocks. Yes! That’s right.
Men, when they meet their could be or would be life partner, throw an attitude that’s unreal. They know that they have to project their best impression. Remember, “first impression is best impression”? However, after marriage, all the drama stops. No more impressing. Let’s chill.
A woman takes your attitude in her first meeting for real and that’s where all the trouble begins. When you let go of the unreal for the real, she doesn’t know you. She will feel such insecurity in her.
One lady came to me for a consultation because she felt her life had no meaning. She was married for just 4 years. Her husband was okay in the beginning. A few months after marriage, he had taken to playing poker and he occasionally smoked pot. Such was his indulgence that he had asked his wife not to disturb him. Such carelessness can wreak havoc in your life.
What could be worse! Your spouse could fall off into someone else’s ship and sail away, leaving your relationship torn apart.
Maintaining a casual attitude
Any marriage is beautiful when you add three ingredients into it. They are; be real, have fun and throw in surprises. These three ingredients can create magic in your relationship.
Every person has to discover what fun elements you need to bring into your relationship and what surprises you will throw in. There are no manuals and no formulae. Invent your own. Be real. Do not splurge money when you don’t have it. Do not borrow money to make your spouse happy. Money cannot buy happiness. It’s true.
Saying the magic words isn’t enough
It’s not enough if you say how much you love your spouse. What is important is how much you value yourself. When you value yourself, you will do everything that needs to be done so that your relationship is as fresh as the morning dew. I suggest you read this line again. This is different from doing anything that makes your spouse happy. Never do anything to make your spouse happy. Effort is important. Result is not.
There are no holidays to a married person. You must not need one. Just keep your relationship filled with fun and surprises so that your life is worth it.
— Mahesh Krishnamurthy